My Experience With Anxiety & Depression

Hey guys, so today I decided to get personal with you all and hopefully this sheds some light on the situation of my lack of posts, I really have been trying for you guys.

None of you are aware but I suffer from Anxiety and Depression, some of you may be able to relate to this and I just want to say if you can you are an extremely strong person.

The media tends to portray Anxiety as a person being nervous in stressful situations, or someone who gets sweaty palms when they need to read a speech.

That is not Anxiety, plain and simple. 

Anxiety is restless nights where you can't seem to fall asleep no matter how hard you try because you can't stop everything running through your head. Anxiety is waking up in the morning and not being able to muster the strength to get out of bed to face a day full of panic. Anxiety is panic attack after panic attack in a situation that other people seem to be able to handle. Anxiety is having people stare at you while you're dripping in sweat and struggling to breathe, which inevitably makes it worse. Anxiety is having your therapist tell you coping statements so you are able to function in a somewhat normal way. Anxiety is going to family gathering with people you have known your entire life and having to leave early because you can't handle being there for long. Anxiety is having your friends stare at you and ask why you have bags under your eyes. Anxiety is going into a test or exam and completely blanking on everything you know, because it has taken over and all you can think about is running out of that test and screaming.

Depression in the media is being sad, and crying a lot.

That is not Depression.

Depression is feeling numb 6 days out of 7. Depression is having no emotion at all, and some days asking yourself what the point is. Depression is being upset for no reason and crying over everything no matter how much you try to fight it. Depression is a monster that sits on your shoulders, telling you you're not worth it, you don't deserve to be happy.

Depression is starring blankly into space because for that second not focusing is better than being aware of your surroundings. Depression is fighting with yourself. Depression is having your family members ask why you don't seem happy anymore, why you never seem to smile. Depression is also starring at a therapist listening to them tell you how you're doing amazing overcoming the smallest things.

Having both is having a constant war go on in your head, but nobody can hear your cries for help. Having both is like fighting a dragon who is 100 times bigger than you, and all the much stronger. Having both is feeling defeated, saying to yourself there's no point in even trying to slay the dragon. Having both is having your friends get frustrated because you never seem to want to go out with them, never seem to want to do anything at all.

But...

Having Anxiety and Depression does not mean you're a weak person, quite the opposite really, having both means you are strong and one hell of a fighter. Getting up everyday and getting out of bed to do what you need to is the greatest victory of all. You may question if you'll ever really beat it, but each day you tell the dragon it won't win is one day closer to defeating it. Living with both is like running a marathon everyday, but telling yourself you've got what it takes and you will make it out a winner.

What I'm trying to say is that maybe we won't end the stigma any time soon, chances are the media will still make it seem like such a petty thing to have a Mental Health Illness, but it's important to remember that it is just that, an illness, one that you can overcome and show it who's boss. Mental Health Illnesses aren't any less of an illness, just because you can't identify it on the exterior doesn't mean it isn't happening in the interior. If you fill a pool and it drains you assume it has a hole, but what if you can't find that hole? Does that make it any less of a problem? No because for some reason it's still leaking. You are strong enough to keep fighting and you are worth it.

If there's anything you can take away from my experiences it's that you should never give up, because you are worth it and you are a fighter

I am very sorry to all those who faces these battles alongside me everyday, if you ever need to talk or need someone to reach out to just send me an email, I'll always do my best to help anyone.

Thanks for reading, remember just keep fighting.

-Tiffany xoxo